Saturday, September 10, 2011

☺On The Lighter Side... Ladies vs. Real Women


Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking,
drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an
instant "fix-me-up."

Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too
damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Ladies – When pregnant and feeling bloated and tired, try getting extra hours of sleep and ensure you are eating a well balance diet.

Real Women – Quit the damn whining.  Get up off your ass, and go fetch some milk from the barn – the cows won’t milk themselves.  You think you got it rough now, wait till after the baby is born.

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying your ass on the couch, with your feet up anyway.

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about the potatoes growing arms and legs.

Ladies – If you chip a nail while golfing, see your manicurist right away as she will have the latest product to fix it and you should be good as new in no time!

Real Women – Screw the manicurist!  Chew the rest of the nail off – it will grow back.  Sand it down with some sandpaper if no nail file is available and get back to cleaning the gutters – winter is approaching.

Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the inside of the cake.

Real Women - Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate the son-of-a-bitch for you.

Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women - Go ask the very HOT neighbor guy to do it.

And finally the most important tip....

Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women - Leftover wine??

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