12 Things I've Learnt About MOST Men that Every Woman Should Know!

Ok.  Every once in a while I do a personal post.  A post to speak my mind.  A post in response to an article I've recently read and totally disagree with.  In other words, it's usually a post to rant and rave.

My husband said "Go for it!".  So I did!

 
A few days ago, I came across an article from yahoo titled:

The 7 Basic Needs of a Wife by Michelle Duggar
Well, after reading it, I felt it necessary to defend the opposite sex.  Some of the needs she mentioned were totally insane:

• A wife needs a husband who can lovingly appeal to her when she is going beyond her limitations, which happens pretty much all the time ....  Therefore, each night, husbands should do the dishes, put the kids to bed, draw a hot bath for said wives, and not speak until spoken to, at which point they are free to share witty jokes or any praise they might have for their wives.

Is this woman for real?  EACH night?...   Speak until spoken to?..   Men, don't listen to her.  Your wife, spouse, significant other is suppose to be your friend and lover, not the freakin' Queen of Sheba!  Do it every once in awhile!

• A wife needs a husband who is grateful for all she does for him. In practice this means a constant stream of praise, adoration, gifts of flowers, and an hourly recital of the sentence, "How do you do it all?!" But you have to say it like you mean it, or it doesn't count.

Men ignore this.  Sure women love praises but surely not every hour.  I couldn't do this every hour and say it like i meant if my life depended on it.  I'd be a god damn nut case before the day is over.  If she must need to hear this every day - get her a damn parrot.  Problem solved.

• A wife needs a husband who will continue to find her beautiful no matter how long she wears her stretched-out yoga pants and maternity shirts without washing them. Little House on the Prairie-style flannel pjs should be greeted thusly: "You look so hot when you're comfy!"

Men don't worry about this one either - it's not a requirement.   But women if you still find your man handsome no matter how long he wears those pyjamas with the worn out crotch, socks with holes bigger than the grand canyon, and t-shirts with evidence of last year's tv dinner still on them - then all the power to you!

I'm no 'expert' in the professional sense. But I have always said a true expert is one that has 'been there, done that' in more ways than one. I think I've hung around enough men to know what MOST men are like. 

So Ms. Duggar, you migh have The 7 Basic Needs of a Wife, but here's MY 7 Basic Needs of a Husband in a nutshell:

A husband needs to be able to come home from work or play and:

1. drop his shit off at the front door
2. grab a cold one
3. put his feet up
4. grab the remote
5. watch his favourite show
6. have another cold one
7. and do all this without hearing any bitching in the background

Seriously, she is too much.  Anyways, here are my 7 things.. no wait, 8 things, no - 9... shit.
I'm always remembering more, so I'll add them as I remember them.
For now, here are 12 things I'VE discovered about MOST men from being around them...

12 Things I've Learnt About MOST Men that Every Woman Should Know

1.  Most Men need time to be alone with their buddies - let them be. We need time to be alone from them.
Who needs to be around anyone 24/7?  Sure it's ok in the beginning, when it's all hot and steamy, but let's get realistic here.  You want to be able to scratch your ass and 'break' wind every once in a while without having them around.... especially since they do it all the time when you're around.  For women, it's a different story.  We have an image to uphold.  Besides, I'm sure most of us women wouldn't mind 'hogging' that couch with remote or phone in hand, every once in awhile. Send them out!


2.  Most Men love to hang out in sports bars with said buddies because it brings out the inner caveman in them... better them than us.
You've seen how they carry on when their favourite team wins.  They're like cro magnons on crack - jumping up and down, bumping chests together, making weird sounds.  Would you like to be like that?  Or better yet, would you like to be around that?  Let them be.


3. Most Men don't care if you have big boobs, flat boobs, blow-up boobs or orange boobs.  In the end they'll take any boobs - as long as they have nipples and are user-friendly.
Ladies, when will you learn it's not the size, shape or colour of the boobs that matters?  It's the accessibility that counts!

4.  Most Men don't usually ask for much...  so don't give them anymore than they ask for... you'll only confuse them.
Don't ask them which edible underwear they'd like - strawberry, peach, cinnamon - just put the damn thing on and tell him to eat it!  Otherwise, you'll only make them hungry and asking "Does it come with dipping sauce?".  Remember, next to sex, food is always on their mind.

5.  Most Men are big babies when it comes to being sick.  Just give them something to suck on and call it a day.
Do I need to clarify this anymore?

6.  Most Men will stare at other women and possibly have sexual thoughts about them.  Get over it.   It doesn't mean shit.  They'd stare at monkeys with boobs and have the same thoughts... just in a more unpleasant way.
It's one of those things that make men, men.  They'll stare at any woman.  Sure they might have sexual thoughts about a beautiful woman walking by, but they'd do the same with an ugly one also.  Just in a more negative way like "No way I'd bang that chick".  Either way, they stare.  Don't worry about it - it can't be helped and is hardwired into their brains.  Besides, they only remember it for as long as that woman is in their limited line of vision... seconds.

7.  Most Men don't like it when us women ramble on. 
Women - get to the point or you'll lose them midway. You all know men have the attention span of a goldfish, squirrel.... whatever. Unless, of course, the topic is about sex.  So get to the point!


 8.  Most Men are afraid to tell us if we look fat in a dress.
Men - don't be!  We need to know, whether we like it or not!  If we can't trust your cold yet honest opinion, who the hell can we trust!


9.  Most Men, are hesitant to ask, "Is it that time of the month again?".  
Men - ask away!  It's only fair!  You need  to prepare yourselves for the "week-from-hell."

10.  Most men couldn't put together a box complete with instructions - even though they may pretend to. 
Women, even though the final product may look like something from outer space.. just say 'that's nice honey' and do it all over again, in way less time, when they're away at the above mentioned sports bar.

11.  Most Men wouldn't fake an orgasm.
Why?  Because unlike women, they wouldn't know how to!


12.  Most Men love to watch porn. 
Get used to it.  Get over it.  Get on with it.  Don't take it personally.  It brings out that inner caveman trait in them once again which 'lights' up their brain. They get the same 'sparks' when they see some guy getting kicked in the nuts... don't worry about it.

Bottom line is, most men are men and you are never going to change that, just like most of us women are who we are and they'll never be able to change that.  If men were like women (and I praise the Lord every day they are not!), there would be no planet.  Let him be a caveman, you be his cavewoman.

Try to understand and appreciate each other for who you are.  You treat your man with fairness, honesty and respect and he shall do the same.  If he doesn't, then he wasn't the right one for you to begin with, was he - so kick his sorry-poor-excuse-for-a-man ass out the door!